Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
