you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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