he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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