we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
