my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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