remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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