about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
