I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
