i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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