so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Farmville is her only friend.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
