why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
