so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
