You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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