are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
