He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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