I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
