brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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