can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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