What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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