Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
