talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize