he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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