she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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