So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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