Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
a search helicopter?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
