shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
