Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They took my balls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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