How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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