Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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