When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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