are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
