I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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