ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
