Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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