just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
