I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
