can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize