if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
