Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this just has baby written all over it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
