It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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