It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
