So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
