if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
