I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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