just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
