we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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