He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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