the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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