Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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