ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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