I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
