i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
