This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
