O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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