would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
