We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize