if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
