thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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