Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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