I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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