i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
