just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
