i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize