I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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