yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
