1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
